So the new year has started out on a weird note. I fucked my knee up 2 more times (same bad knee). So I wonder how much more damage is done than what's already been. It looks as if it may be broken internally, but I'll find out probably Thursday. I just can't believe all this stuff that's going on in my life now, and so fast. Monday at 6 pm, Adam and I have our first parenting class, Wednesday I meet back with my psychtrist, Thursday the hospital about my knee, and Friday another meeting with my psychtrist and some other people to see what kinds of antidepressants and help I should be getting treated for on my depression and my other mental bull shit. I mean at least I admit that I hve these issues, and I'm sure not the fuck proud of who I am when it comes to those issues, so that's why I'm going to the parenting class and seeking mental help for my depression and anger. A lot of people have the same issues, and just don't see that it's wrong, or they do, they're just too proud to admit to it or even ashamed. I'm not saying I'm better than those who are in denial or ashamed, I'm far from better, I'm just making a note that I'm getting the help that's much needed, that's been neglected. Not having a job right now has a great deal to my depression as well, but I'm filling out applications and turnig them in. I'd like to find a job becomming a stripper, just because the money is good and it'll help me take care of my family and help me get the surgery I want and need (lypo-suction, tummy tuck, lasic removal on stretch marks and acne scars, breats lift, and a nose job). I have the lowest self esteem issues, and becomming a stripper as well as the money will help me be the person I want to be. Sexy, happy and full of life. I know that being a stripper isn't the key to my happiness, and other jobs can contribute to my happiness, but stripping makes faster money. Even strippers aren't happy with thmeselves to a degree, but they are. Anyways, that's how my new year started out. But on a good note, I'm still alive and living a decent life, and I still have the best children and bf ever!!!
