WikdClownz69's blog: "Confusion Is The Consensus"

Part IV Chapter X Walking, forever, Never, Ever more Slowly trudging this lonely floor Knowing now how to even the score Smiling upon you as I open the door Unto tomorrow, as I look forward now Towards another day as I'm learning how To keep it all in perspective like the Tao An ode to yore, forever more upon the brow Damien: Can we really live inside our own heads? All alone, are we truly alone in our own heads? What are we turning into nowadays? Which way do we go from here? Are we the little people, or are we the little peoples game? If we are, what should we do with the knowledge of BEING? January 07, 2003 Missed opportunities abound in our trips through Life's Trials and Tribulations. Writing on a bus is SO hard to do. Perhaps you better start from the Beginning... Yes, indeed, start from the beginning... In the beginning, Damien had lived through hardship and pain, to it's utmost degree... and all through his life, that seemed to be all he ever would see. Hardship and pain.... Everywhere he went, everywhere he looked... that was all he would ever see. When the Seed Of Never was freed by his birth, he somehow knew about it. But so did his best friend, Tommy DeLucas. When it became clear that Damien was the Key to Never, Tommy started working on his plan to eliminate the Seed Of Never from the Universe. Tommy wanted nothing more than the Total Annihilation of the Seed Of Never. He would stop at nothing to rid himself and the world of this Blasphemous Mutation of Normal thought. Tommy DeLucas conferred with Linda Vaughn on how to accomplish this feat many a night. He picked her brain about Damien and how he thought and worked. He even tried to become Damien in a fashion. Eventually he was the main factor in the Deconstruction of Linda. The time Damien and Linda had spent together was both a learning benefit and the eventual Death of Damien. The things she knew about Damien were what eventually led to the demise of Damien. She helped to destroy the one man she had truly loved. No matter that Damien had loved and cherished Julia more than life itself, she had helped to destroy all that Damien and Julia had together. Her word had destroyed Life itself for Damien. She had decided Damien's fate... The day Tommy and Linda decided to destroy Damien was an interesting day in it's own right. Linda had let Tommy tie her up and have sex with her, just to spite Damien and piss him off to the point where he might break. They both knew all of Damien's weakness' and what would kill him, so they decided the best way to get to him was to take what he loved most from him... HER! Tommy had always lusted after Julia since they had first met. Through all of the time that Tommy knew Damien, he knew that Damien cherished Julia more than life itself. So, Linda and Tommy developed the plan that would forever break Damien because they were jealous of all that he had... Julia, the Gift of Sight, and all that goodness that Damien stood for, they would try to forever take it away from him. Thus was how the plan developed... Just a way to totally destroy Damien so he would not interfere with what Tommy and Linda wanted... A way to put him out of their way so that they could do what they wanted and not have to worry about Damien bringing Reality to their doorstep. Such is the game with "Supposed" friends in life... Such Love, huh? So when they started their plan, Damien was already in a mess with Julia as it was. He loved her with all of his heart and she would no longer have anything to do with him... She had run off with someone who made his Drinking problem seem more Social than anything.... not to mention she decided to run off with the local drug dealer just so she could get her fix... The perpetual 'Chasing Of The Bag' if you will... 'I'm gonna go out with him cuz he's got the drugs' routine. And it pained and eventually killed Damien to see Julia pursue this. He loved her to death, and she was the Death of him... Julia and Linda were what killed Damien... He was already DEAD when he died on the day Tommy and Linda finished their plan... He was completely DEAD to the world by then. It didn't matter what happened after Julia left Damien.... He was already Dead... You can't kill something that's already dead, goddamnit. So when it all came down and the shit hit the fan, Damien knew exactly who had done it. January 12, 2003 Trying to make people feel sorry for you for your own faults will only cause resentment to grow amongst people. It is not their fault that you do not specify what is to be done in the first place. Then, when you make a big deal and a bunch of noise because you do not get your way doesn’t work either. It will only make things worse and the resentment to grow that much worse. When will we finally be released from this prison of madness we are confined in within our time of existence? When will we find out why we have to endure this pointlessness of angering ignorance? If I knew that, I would probably not be here writing all this down for you to read. Hereto unto this point, the depression has been held at bay by the simple fact that it has been ignored. But now it is beginning to creep back into its accustomed spot, nestling gently back to its former position in that crook of the brain that it enjoys gnawing on. Grasping at the tendrils of the synapses that promote the growth of Self-Loathing, hatred, and jealousy stamping out any evidence of a once loving soul. It begins its antics anew, strangling the life out of any hopes and dreams that were once cherished over any ideas of Hatred and Hostility. What was once Hope and Love is now turned to Hate and Violence. Any hope of beginning to understand where this all comes from is destroyed by the anguish and suffering it causes. It is completely obliterated by the fact that all hope is lost and you just want to literally disappear and be No More, to be Gone, to just float away into Nothingness, to just curl up and die. You just want to curl up and Die inside yourself. Facing the world another day is inconceivable after the depression sinks it teeth into you. You can never fully recover after a run with Depression in his World. These moments of remembered memories are shear anguish that grate upon the soul like fingernails on a chalkboard of the mind. Trying to forget it all is the main goal of my life, but all conspire to keep me in remembrance of all of that which is wrong and bad within me. February 14, 2003 The corrosion of the mind’s psyche is evident within all of our souls. When we look at the boot camp that our current generations psyche has endured, we can see why our minds are becoming numb to all of the violence that occurs daily. Almost everyday our minds are subjected to the purest levels of violence and we just sit back and laugh and say, “Oh, that was cool!” Violence has truly become entertainment. Even the Wars we face nowadays are considered entertainment. Some of my generation has resorted to hallucinogens to escape the realities we have to face day-to-day. Kind of like “Just wake me up when it’s over!” March 15, 2003 It's no wonder that most of us can't even remember our dreams, much less all of the various threads that it takes up during the course of an evening, because that's just it. It takes on so many different storylines that it just eventually becomes so damned confusing. Many Doctors and psychiatrists have looked into dreams and how they affect us and our perception of Life and Reality, to no avail. None have even come close to even beginning to unravel the mystery of the mind. But there was one doctor in particular who discovered ancient relics that would help one to remember and control the dreams one had at least to the point where the common thread in the dreams could be remembered. These relics, or talismans, were eventually dated back to Ancient Sumerian times. These talismans were supposed to be very powerful over the sub-conscious of humans, and thought to be entirely lost to the civilized world. But not so to Doctor ________, whom had actually found that there were actually quite a few of these talismans left in existence, and one here in Los Angeles, California, which he, himself, possessed. And that was what brought the Doctor here to meet with Damien LaRouche. Both had much experience with the study of Ancient Sumerian Artifacts and with Dreams and Sub-Conscious matters in general. Over his years of study, the Doctor had found that only a few people can actually control their dreams with no help from anything or anyone else. And Damien was one of these few people that he had read of that could do this. The Doctors interest in Damien was that of Learning. How was it that this mere mortal could control his dreams and learn from them and make them do what he wanted? How was it that he could prosper from them? Well, in Damien’s case, it was pure luck, or more like, Pure Chance. He could, and did work his dreams for himself. He could do what he wanted, when he wanted in his dreams. So now, the plan was in action. Tommy DeLucas and Linda Vaughn had decided that all this rhetoric with Damien had gone too far. He was starting to hurt people with his power and they knew that it was time for Damien to be eliminated from the whole scheme of things. They had to do something to stop him from hurting anyone else like he had supposedly hurt them. It was time for Damien to Die. There was no further use for him according to their plans now. It was time to take care of business. In order to take care of this, they were waiting for his meeting with the Doctor to pull the plan off. To do this, they had planned out what would happen when the Doctor came to town to meet with Damien. That was when they would do it. When Damien showed up to meet with the Doctor, they would eliminate him. Sitting up in the Loft one block away from the Coffee House, Tommy prepared himself for what had to be done. When he got the phone call from Linda, he was ready. Never mind that Damien was one of his Best Friends, what had to be done, had to be done. And He would be the one that did it. March 20, 2003 So why is it that a lot of us keep on with such a total annihilation of Self? Pushing our minds and our bodies to and Beyond the limits we are intended NEVER to Cross. Slowly or quickly, we are trying to destroy our mind and body by any means necessary. What pain is it that we are trying to bury with Drugs and Alcohol or any other demented means at hand? Are we that unhappy with Life or Does Life Really Suck That Much? Or is there some Deeper meaning that most of us have overlooked or missed entirely? What is IT that causes a person to just Cease to be able to Function normally in Society, to just 'Give Up'? What causes the mind to throw in the towel for us without first consenting with us if that's okay or not with us? Maybe the Smog we breath has something to do with it, or maybe it's just the Greenhouse Effect getting worse and boiling our brains? Or maybe it's just that sometimes, some people realize they have outlived their usefulness to Society and just Cease BEING? Hmmm.... I wonder... And as the world rolls by, we ponder yet another way to kill ourselves off... 'How do you want to Die Tonight, Brain???' 'Same way we always do, Pinky, Thinking ourselves OFF the World!!!' By the way, I left Reality All alone to play with his Bestest Friend, UN-REALITY (Altered Reality?). Eventually we end up on the Road with just a backpack full of clothes and a really good book, all by our lonesome, out to find out how FUCT the World Really is, wandering aimlessly with no home, no Love, and No Place and No One to call our own. Or maybe it's only ME? Some of us are Unfit to exist and some of us just Exist. And some of us just ARE... I am only here to record all the pain of the World or so it seems. That's pretty much all I've ever been good at is Pain. The Walker, The Scribe, The Jester...Gesture, Gesticulate...? The World is Uneven where I exist. Everything is out of Whack, oblong or just Off-Kilter, out of alignment with the rest of the World. I hear a rat-a-tap-tapping at the door of my Un-Reality's reasoning. Is that Reality come to take back what was taken so very long ago? Cloudy Surveillance with a Forecast for Hazy Imaginings, the Outlook is Grim for Those who Cannot See. I wish I knew why I just don't want to do anything at all anymore. It would help so much to know the Reason I keep myself from doing a damn thing at all! PROD DAMNIT...Since I've decided to throw/turn my life around, I'm falling up and throwing down. He’s Got Bacardi Lip, Prod Damnit! Secret yearnings unknown wants in life. I want a woman with her own, on her own. Tell me what's really on your mind. Tell me where it is you go when you want to get away from it all. What is your Safety net when you fall? Who helps you when you fall and can't get to the top on your own? Do you look at the personals when you want a partner in Crime? ATOMIC DAWG Unbeknownst to Reality, I come forth to bring Reality to everyone's Front Door. Can you feel me Scream Out In AGONY for DUMB EUROPE? What I feel is not Mine. I feel like I'm falling apart from the inside out. Not from the Seams or the joining edges, but from the Core itself... WHATWEDOINGHERENOW ASYOUAREORWEREAGAIN TAKEAWATCHINGLOOKAT ASHOWSTOPPERCORK ABOUTESCAPADESONICE ANDYSTRANGESUMMER TIMEDICKFILLINGTHEVOID ORDERINGBEERSALLNIGHT MEACULPAONEACTONE DRINKTWOWOMEN SOMEONESIDE INSECURESTORY ANDHASNOBYLINE CLUESPEAKING BACKWARDS IOWANEBRASKACHICKS HONESTLIE PATHETICPSYCHOTIC IMBROKENFIXME IMPRESSEDPEACOCKS THATLLCOSTYA LITTLEPINKYEAH STOOPIDITYCENTERED CHACRACKKILLS Mindless psychobabble of Neurosis Psychosis, Cuntasaurus Rexis perplex us. Twenty-Seven Arms and Twenty Eight legs but he's got JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS. Perfectionism in itself is Imperfection. Angry voices throw dust into my field of vision and never say why~! When Death or Insanity open the door for You, what are you gonna do? This is No Kind Of Life! Witticism of The Mind's Eye. Mundane Redundancies boggle the mind. This town's already a ghost town. I'm getting calluses from writing so much bull shit. Jennifer Love Hewitt with black hair reminds me of a Lovely Raven... We are all living a Hollow Life. This place is not even ours to begin with... You'll never take me. Sardines in a sea of concrete called JUNGLE-Fucking JINGLE FUCKIN BELLS, MOTHER FUCKER! Let's Try this one more time- I will make it go away- You can't be here no more... Wake up Hatred and see what Happens... Is it any wonder that Society is the way it is? GHETTO-NINJA! Fix My problems with a blade. You're CRUSHING my SOUL! Help, Help, My head is Caught in Your Throat! Vegas is a wonderful place to lose your soul if that's the kind of thing You're into, but otherwise you can't hide your Lying eyes from me... Notice how television always sucks your attention into it while you're having a conversation with someone? It's the ultimate in Easy Hypnosis. The Long awaited SILENCE of the Soul is exquisite and peaceful. I can't wait for that peace and quiet that comes when you reach the pinnacle of awareness. When you finally awaken to the full POTENTIAL of you grace and Beauty!.