Swing Set Of Your Soul
Trying to get back into the swing of things after such shocking changes in life can be very difficult to handle especially if there was a Lot of change. I am finding it very difficult because the change was actually a lot of Big Changes; one change after another after another. And all of these changes were so drastic and so close together, that the changes were not given any chance to be acknowledged and learned from.
Right now, I still cannot see the benefit of many of these changes. I do not see how losing everything and everyone of any importance to me helped in any way except how everyone says that it gives me a chance to start fresh and new... Start Fresh and New? What the fuck kind of shit is that? I was quite HAPPY with what I had and whom I had for friends. I miss it actually... How the fuck is losing everything important to me gonna help me start fucking fresh and fucking NEW? Tell ME THAT... Please.!!!! Well, I'm starting fresh and new all right, but every time I write down what I used to do for work, the past comes back to haunt me making it VERY fucking difficult to start ANEW. MOTHER FACKOS!
I feel Stuck here with no place left to go from here, and I'm not able to get a good enough job to get anywhere anytime soon because of my Past. So much for starting Fresh and FUCKING NEW, BASTARDS!!!! Hmmmmmm?????
December 16, 2002
Sleeping on Beds that are actually Portals to other Universes that are wedged away in the outside bathroom of my Grandmother's house. Little evil Mech Droids that look like your Kitty Kat outside the door that crawl up from the portal, and they won't die by any normal means and they keep coming back to life with such pure evil avarice that’s so damned spooky. Dreams From the Seed Of Never, borne from the Caverns of Mount Nod. The Fairaes live in 'Slow/Sloe Time' and are Kin to the Crows. A fight with the Mother about what I'm not quite sure, living with the Grandparents find clothes that are not mine in a bedroom that is not mine, but yet the clothes are mine... Weird visions of that Land Of Never... Where am I? Who Am I?... I can't put this all together now, but I know there is an answer that lies beyond that closet door in that bedroom that is but is not mine. The Evil Mech Droids discovered in a battle with creatures who appear human but they are not in a field of hills and darkness. Taunting and maiming as they go about the Eternal night. Disjointed visions into The Land Of Never... that place that IS but IS Not Is. The Place where never ever forever never more exists forever, never more, ever. Forever.
Suffer from the Mass of Hypnosis put forth by the Great Mind Controller of All...Television.
December 21, 2002
Never drive a woman nuts, especially your Best Friend, especially one you're going to spend All of Eternity with. That old house where it happened was grim. Some lived in the basement, and some lived without and only changed when they came within the grasp and reach of the House's power. What was upstairs was shocking to find, and see what you see while in the pool was astounding. How the house would change as we neared the completion of the spell was amazing, as if it existed within it's own Bubble of Time, outside of Reality, was quite a trip. The sliding cage doors in the kitchen where none had existed before was what finally caught us within that bubble of madness, to Never, Ever escape again. Be careful what you dream of... it just may come True...
December 24, 2002
To Chani:
The Powerful feeling that is you
And all the wonderful things you do
To help me see and truly believe in
Those moments of beauty when I'm within
The Embrace of the Warmth of your heart
I miss so much when we are apart
What it is you do to me
Is nothing more than Learning to BE
One with the world and who we are
Is what will help us to go so far
Into the Future we go forth holding hands
As we look towards our future Plans
What I see when I look into your eyes
Is a beautiful Soul roaming endless skies
Be an Angel from above, you surely must
You instill in me a feel of absolute trust
I'm thankful for all of the time we share
When you share with me all the time you can spare.
December 25, 2002
The odd pressure of the Christmas Season is stifling at times, sometimes even Suffocating. The differences in opinions is ridiculous at times to the point where its beyond Comedy; it becomes a tragedy of sorts because everyone feels that their opinion is always right, even if they are wrong! And good luck trying to point out that they are wrong. They will practically bite your head off or talk it off trying to justify that they ARE indeed right and you are Dead Wrong.
Just watch any Dysfunctional Family gathering to see this point proven over and over again. I'm sure you have a family such as this yourself. It seems to be the latest fad anymore, to be Dysfunctional. Try it and see what I mean. What is it that makes people feel they have to show off and one-up everybody around them? IS it some form of the Dis-Ease that makes them want to put all around them to shame at someone else's expense? To degrade others for their amusement is CHIC nowadays. It's fashionable to make others feel miniscule even if it is very Hurtful.
These types of people make me SIC! And what's really sad is that Everyone is Doing IT! EVERYONE! This whole Society is so SIC and Twisted and Bent on Destruction that it revels in the sickness. They thrive on it and look forward to it like a junky looks forward to his next fix. It's a sad state of affairs these days.
January 12, 2003
Damien:
A descent into the Maelstrom of remembrance is a journey into the heart of our very existence. Seeing the actual center of what is US in our True Realities and our true surroundings can not be handled by most people. When you can see how your actual surroundings actually affect us and our responses to these events, we often shy away from the true realities of how we act sometimes.
We can not stand the Realities and the consequences of our actions, so thus we choose to ignore them, and pretend that they do not exist at all; even when we are confronted with the absolute fact that we sometimes act like ABSOLUTE ASSHOLES.
