WikdClownz69's blog: "Confusion Is The Consensus"

Part V Chapter XI Pink Bunnies and Peanut Brittle Damien had not really wanted to go to the meeting with Doctor ________ because of a gut feeling he had, and from the discussions he and Lawrence had previously had. So, he had brought the .38 caliber handgun with him that Lawrence had provided for Damien's own safety. They had discussed all sorts of possibilities for the outcome of today's meeting. From what Damien and Lawrence had been able to find out about what Linda Vaughn and Tommy DeLucas were planning, they had been able to come up with a strategy to counter, if not entirely neutralize their plan. Lawrence had found some interesting bits of information from his discussion with Roy Johnson about something overheard by Roy while Tommy and Linda had been sitting in the next booth over at the CoffeeHouse one night. He had overheard them discussing Where Tommy would be waiting and How Linda was going to get "Him", meaning Damien, Roy thought, to the CoffeeHouse to "Take Care of Him Once and For All." He had also heard mention of the Doctor Damien would be meeting that day and he also heard mention of a Sniper Rifle. So, with this new information, Lawrence had given Damien a Silver .38 handgun and a Kevlar vest to wear to protect Damien from any such attacks. Now they just had to figure out exactly Where they would be hiding, and time was running out fast. Damien was supposed to meet with the Doctor in less than two hours, and Lawrence was frantically checking all surrounding buildings in the area with a clear enough shot at the CoffeeHouse. Roy Johnson was helping by climbing to the roof of the CoffeeHouse with a pair of Binoculars to scan the lower buildings in the area in hopes of locating Tommy DeLucas before something bad could happen. He had scanned all the rooftops of the lower buildings twice and was about to give up when he noticed something out of the ordinary on the roof of the Loft Building about a block and a half north-west of the CoffeeHouse. Barely concealed by the rim of the building was a plastic cup that the CoffeeHouse ordinarilly used for their Iced Latte's and other cold drinks they made. The Cup itself gave Roy a jolt because it looked so out of place up there, but what Really got his attention was the hand resting almost out of sight near the cup. And also near at hand was the barrel of a .7 mm rifle with a scope. Trying to calm the excitement and the relief he felt, Roy reached for his cell phone and with a shaking hand quickly dialed Lawrence's Cell phone number to pass the information on to him so they could nab Tommy before he caused any trouble. At first, Roy didn't know what to make of the persistant buzzing noise he heard coming through his phone, but then he realized what he was hearing- A Busy Signal! The Cell Phone Momento Lawrence had been checking all the surrounding buildings when his phone rang. Startled by the sudden invasion of his thoughts, he reached in his pocket and pulled his Nokia Cell Phone out and said, "Hello?" "Lawrence, how have you been doing lately?" the female voice said to him. Lawrence was startled at this voice calling, especially of all times, now. He instantly recognized the voice to be none other than Damien's ex-GirlFriend, Julia Lorreanna. "How are you Doing Julia?" he replied to her, "I've been pretty good considering all that's been happening lately." "Well that's good to hear," Julia said. "Listen, I wanted to ask you something about Damien and some rumours I've been hearing going around. Is that okay with you, Lawrence?" she asked. "Sure, Julia," Lawrence replied, "What's on your mind?" After a moment of hesitation, Julia began, "Well, I've been hearing some pretty messed up stuff about someone supposedly wanting to Kill Damien and I'm kinda worried about him. I mean, even though he and I are no longer together, I still Love him and care about him a great deal, you know what I mean, Lawrence?" “Yes,” Lawrence replied, knowing exactly how she felt as he felt his own heart ache for the loss of his fiancée, Lisa. “I know what you mean Julia. And yes, what you’ve been hearing is so true. We even know Who it is that wants to do this.” “Who is it?” Julia asked. “If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know and I will,” she said. “Well, we know that it’s Tommy DeLucas and Linda Vaughn,” he said as he heard Julia gasp on the other end of the line. “For right now, there’s not a whole lot you can do right now, and we haven’t got much time left to figure out where they are at so we can stop them, but if you want, I’ll call you and keep you posted as I know more, okay, Julia?,” he asked her. “Well,” Julia sighed, “Okay, but please let me know if anything happens. Promise me you’ll do that Lawrence?” “I Promise, Julia, okay? Now I have to get going now in case Roy or Damien call, okay?” he said. “Okay, thanks a lot Lawrence,” and with that she hung up. Pondering over the phone call, Lawrence went back to trying to find Tommy DeLucas. He was baffled that she had called him with that information at this particular time and sounding so worried. As he was thinking on this, he was unnerved as his phone once again broke in on his reverie. Pulling his phone out of his pocket one more time, Lawrence said “Hello.” “Lawrence, it’s Roy, I’ve found Tommy. Where are you at?” Roy asked hurriedly. “I’m on the corner of 5th and Centre, by the Logicon building. Why?” Lawrence asked. “He’s on top of the Loft building,” Roy said. “It’s right on the corner of 5th and Mesa. He’s just a block away from you. Get over there and I’ll meet you there.” And with that, the phone went dead in Lawrence’s hand. With his heart starting to race, Lawrence put his phone back in his pocket and started to make his way past the Courthouse up towards the Loft building. Hopefully they would be able to reach Tommy before he could get a bead on Damien. Lawrence prayed they had enough time left. Damien would be meeting with the Doctor in less than five minutes. It was now 12:56 p.m. As Damien was walking to the Coffeehouse, he was startled to see a Crow flying right above his head, cawing loudly. Immediately, his mind remembered his gut feeling of earlier, and he started to cautiously and carefully check his surroundings for any threats. The gnawing feeling he kept feeling inside kept him at his most heightened sense of awareness, checking everything and rechecking it in a split second. The closer he got to the Coffeehouse, the worse his gut feeling became. He looked up and thanked the Crow for it’s guidance and kept on to the Coffeehouse. He stopped momentarily at Union War Surplus to say hello to some of his friends who worked there, which was exactly halfway down the block to the Coffeehouse. It was 12:58 p.m. and it was now time to meet with the Doctor. With much trepidation, Damien continued onto the Coffeehouse. Repetitive Patterned Journies It seemed now that the Man With No Soul’s journies through life were becoming evermore redundant, the same patterns repeating over and over again. Everything he was doing seemed to have happened to him before. As he looked to the skies to heed the forthcoming warnings of impending disasters, he still did nothing to change his path through destiny. To change Destiny would mean certain destruction of the precarious balance of His Reality. May 21, 2003 This is the day Damien decides a lot of things are going to change for the better. Today he sits in the Terminal at Ontario International Airport bound for destinations unknown, even to himself. All he knows is that what lies ahead can only be good; both for him and everyone else around him. It just Has to be good after all of the shit he’s been through all the years of Hell that had been his life thus far. Up until this point, Damien had started to believe that his Life would eternally turn to shit, no matter how hard He tried to make it otherwise. Never before had He felt an actual glimmer of Hope like Today felt. It was an almost overwhelming giddiness, an almost electrical like charge, tingling all over his body. From head to toe, he felt ready for almost anything, including Death. He pretty much would have welcomed Death with open arms, given his current state of mind. It all just felt… Different for a change, Finally. July 03, 2003 I can still see the flash of the muzzle from the .38 pistol going off in my mind… Why he had wanted to shoot me in the first place still plagues me. Why is it always Stoopid shit that makes people do such things as this makes no sense to me. I can still feel where the bullet entered the base of my skull right behind my right ear. It’s a curious feeling watching yourself die, seeing your body falling, then twitching on the ground, just KNOWING you moments from being Dead… Game Over, Three Strikes and Yer Ass is OUT! Let me tell you, it is not a nice feeling at all! Gawd, it’s a very sickening feeling. The Shaking, twitching feeling alone is enough to make you Want to Die just to avoid feeling it. I remember the song “Patience” by Guns N’ Roses playing in the background as I fell into that Deep, dark final sleep. And go figure, I was shot over some music CD’s I had just been given. Oh, What a World!… December 18, 2003 Fear And Loathing In San Bernardino Have you ever gotten that feeling like you are heading for disaster before? And what’s worse is that the disaster has happened before and you are seeing almost all the same warning signs as before, foretelling exactly what is going to happen. And it’s probably going to happen in almost the exact same way it did before, even though you have done absolutely everything different so as to avoid just such a situation, but here it is, heading right for you? It’s not exactly something you can just stand up and say, “Whoa, Time Out, No Fair!” about now, is it? But that’s just what seems to be happening to Damien right now. After trying to do everything different so as not to get hurt in the exact same ways he has before, here he sits faced with an almost exact duplicate of events and situations that he has been through before. And now Damien is faced with whether or not he should say something to those involved, but he’s not exactly sure how he should present this to them so as not to get himself locked up or something… “Ah, excuse me, I just wanted to let you know that I have been through this exact scenario before, not with you, but someone else, but see, I would like to ask you not to say or do these certain things because this situation will end up like so, so please don’t do those things, Thank You!” Yeah Right! Like that would really go over with someone. Heh. But yet the feelings and emotions are there, and they are the same as before. How do you get out of a predicament like that? Private Rooms Of The Mind Rented By The Hour Well, I need a private place to put my thoughts down so I can ponder whether or not to actually share them. But anymore, I do not know if it is even possible anymore. I wish I still had a Lockbox to keep a private journal in but alas, I do not have those, so I guess I will risk it in my own book, which is where a lot of thoughts like these have ended up, under the guise of some characters thoughts and actions. It is quite amusing to see something painful turned into something that happened to someone else for a reason. See, in my life, the painful stuff that happens to me seems to Never have any rhyme or reason whatsoever. It just Happens. Sometimes I wonder to myself how much longer my body mind and soul will be able to take all of this shit that keeps happening to me. I mean, there has to be a point where eventually something breaks, when something will blow like a fuse and then you are Gone. I feel I must have reached that point so many times in the past but I’m still here. Even recently, there have been moments when I have closed my eyes, hoping and praying that they would never open again, only to open my eyes and find that I am still here and I am Definitely Still feeling the Pain. There have been a couple of times here where I’ve gotten some weird feeling that all is not exactly how it seems or is supposed to be. Why I get these feelings and thoughts I do not know, but I would like to know. And if these thoughts and feelings do turn out to be true, it would nullify the entire existence of what I thought and felt and believed to be true. I hate doubt because you never can tell, and you usually find out in hindsight that your supposed “Hunch” was true. And that there is kinda like adding insult to injury. Why is it that, even after you’ve told someone that it’s okay for them to talk to you if they have a problem with you or something, they never tell you or say anything. But yet you can totally feel the vibe that something IS wrong, that something is really bugging them? It makes you feel very uncomfortable and leaves you wondering what exactly it is that You have done to cause this and leaves you with that evil, torturous maddening, creepy-crawling feeling of that evil little bastard- DOUBT! Self-doubt… Evil!!! December 19, 2003 I do not know exactly why, but I feel that this is all wrong. I am sitting here worried about her and what she may or may not be doing right now. I think it might be left over from previous girlfriends and things they have done to me, but you’d think by now I’d either be used to it and numb or something. Maybe it’s just because I really do Actually care about her so much that I sit here worrying so damned much about her. It’s not that I don’t trust her, but with the whole of “minor incidences”, it has my mind nagging at me, questioning what is real and true and what is not. And what sucks the most is that I hate feeling and thinking like this at all about her. But yet, I still lay and sit here listening, watching, waiting till I know she is back home safely and unharmed. As I sit smoking these cigarette butts Surely you believe that I have gone nuts But let me assure you, that in my worry They help keep me from going into a fury These thoughts in my head will never stop They incessantly plague me even after I drop December 25, 2003 Well, the hunch, or “feeling” that I had turned out to be more than true, and worse than I had feared. This is so damned painful. I found out two days before Christmas that she was breaking up with me, and had already made the decision to move out of here, out of the city, out of the state, with none other than her ex-boyfriend. And to make matters worse, she had gotten back with him while I had been laying here worrying about her, crying myself to sleep at night wondering if she was still even alive, much less in one piece. So she says she is leaving with him because she finds it hard to take living around here because everywhere she looks, she is reminded of her Father and it hurts. That, I can understand. What I can’t understand is that supposedly they are going to go into therapy and Rehab together? I guess I am just chopped liver and non-existent because she wouldn’t even come to me and talk about what was bugging her. She didn’t even ask for my help, and that is one thing I thought I had made abundantly clear to her was that if she ever needed something, I am here to help her and support her as best as I can with whatever she needed. I guess she didn’t understand me. She first said, also, that this was happening because of something wrong with her, and not something I had or had not done. Then, all of the sudden, she is saying that it’s because I never really tried to get to know her and what makes her happy… Huh? I think I missed something in the translation or something because now I am totally lost, heart broken, and feeling used and that I have been taken advantage of and walked all over. Christmas will never be the same again, and of course, it is raining today, which is the first time it has rained on Christmas day since like 1983 or something. Go figure, huh? Not only do I feel like I’ve lost my best friend, lover and Partner in crime. I also feel that I’ve lost my heart and soul. And to me, that is the worst feeling. I do not know how much more I can take. I know that I am still in shock from this because right now I’m almost numb. The grief has yet to come, and until she actually leaves, it will be hard to grieve because I’ll trick myself into believing there might still be a chance of her staying because her stuff is still here and I keep seeing her. But alas, it has only been 2 days, and knowing Her and how cold and calculating Scorpio’s can be, there is a chance she will disappear from my life in an instant, like she did before when she moved in with Daan and I had to come “Rescue” her. I was under the impression that I was doing fairly well with keeping her happy, but Boy was I fucking mistaken and ignorant about that, now wasn’t I?